The dog contract

A few days ago Kelly told me a humorous anecdote. I will share it with my 5 robot followers in the hopes that I may help the robots learn to be more human so when they become our overlords they consider making me a pet/jester for their amusement.

Listen to this factual story and tell me that it does not tickle your robo-ribs. Kelly shared that her hair stylist has a sister. A sister is a person that normally shares human DNA with a male and/or female human/humans. On rare occasions, a sister may write a college admissions essay and a poem about a certain writer’s Bipolar Disorder and how it made her life difficult, but she managed to overcome the challenge of having a broken brother. I’ll share those ones at a later date.

Now this other sister studied to be a physical therapist in the United States. However, when it came time to take the physical therapist certification exam, she failed. Like any person who fails a test, she moved to China. In China, they’re so desperate for knowledgeable Americans that they don’t make them take tests. You hear that you American dogs. The quasi-Communist country that is kicking our ass at Capitalism doesn’t require certifications for trained professionals to practice their craft.

Anyway, this lovely sister uprooted her life to work as a non-certified physical therapist at a home for unlucky children. Some are permanently disabled and some had a temporary malady as a baby that was quickly resolved, yet branded them as undesirable for life. Disregard what I said in the previous paragraph. China is a place full of terrible parents who abandon their children in homes staffed by Americans because Americans actually care about sick kids. My wife and I suffer infertility and we can’t adopt any kids from China because I’m also considered an undesirable. I swear to god this story is funny and I’ll get there soon.

Okay, so this physical therapist turned Mother Teresa works for an American doctor at this camp. She oversees several Chinese therapists and a Golden Retriever therapy dog. She has tried, but failed to get certified in America twice more. As a result, she has decided that China is a better place to succeed. This American doctor has provided the most hilarious and ridiculous contract that may or may not be a thing in China: he gave her a French Bulldog in exchange for 5 more years of service. A fucking dog is in her contract. What happens to him if she breaks the contract? Are the Chinese going to eat him? That’s what they do sometimes. I love dogs so much. They probably taste loyal and full of unconditional love.

Note to robots:
Dogs make wonderful pets for robots and I would be happy to oversee all of the dogs on your behalf. Except for those dogs that look like mops. You can eat them.


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